The Armchair Gooner

  • Watford (A): Team News, Starting Line-Up And Contract Updatezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Morning, folks. Isn’t it a greatly satisfying feeling knowing all that nonsense surrounding international qualifiers has taken a back seat where it belongs? I know some of you may claim it’s unpatriotic to have little enthusiasm for the fortunes of your country’s football team. Perhaps you have a point. Nonetheless, ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-10-14By James 'Raul' Stokes
    1 week ago
  • Internationals, Made-Up Martial Bids And Airlifts.
    Afternoon folks, This might be what you’d call a unconventional post. By “unconventional” I mean f*cking stupid. I’ve a bit of time to write, my little heart is set on doing so. However, I am met with a considerable problem, folks; there’s not too much happening that’s not centred around ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-10-09By James 'Raul' Stokes
    2 weeks ago
  • Mesut Ozil Will Stay. Alexis Sanchez Will Not.
    Afternoon, magnificent creatures. The international break is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring. In my pomp as a blogger, I’d submit content every day. Without fail. In retrospect, I have no idea how I managed to accomplish this as there just isn’t a great deal of note happening that’s related to Arsenal. Perhaps I’m ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-10-07By James 'Raul' Stokes
    2 weeks ago
  • Those Pesky Foreign Fans Are Ruining The Emirates…
    Evening, folks. Apologies for the absence of a post yesterday, but I wasn’t really in the mood to be honest. I’d like to offer you a plethora of acceptable reasons for missing entires, but I’d be offering mendacious words. I could spin a lengthy yarn about how I single-handedly fought ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-10-04By James 'Raul' Stokes
    3 weeks ago
  • Arsenal 2-0 Brighton; Comfortably Dull and Player Ratings.
    Morning, folks. Yesterday was another fairly unremarkable victory. Other than the glorious back heel from Alexis to assist Alex Iwobi’s goal, I struggle to recall another moment of skill or brilliance. I’m sure there were actually quite a few, but I was watching the game after it was played when ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-10-02By James 'Raul' Stokes
    3 weeks ago
  • Brighton (H) – Team News And Starting Line-Up.
    Morning, folks. Those of you that work strange hours will know that it’s often a case of blind luck whether you get to see Arsenal’s games live as they unfold. Often, I’m left keeping myself up-to-date with the happenings via a uneasy mixture of social media, the radio and various ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-10-01By James 'Raul' Stokes
    3 weeks ago
  • The Jack Wilshere Conundrum….
    Morning, gentleman and gentlewomen. Today finds me in a ponderous kinda mood. Last night I re-watched the highlights of our fixture against BATE Borisov because I wanted to have another look at Jack Wilshere’s performance. Granted, the display wasn’t put in against the finest opponents or in a heightened pressure ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-30By James 'Raul' Stokes
    3 weeks ago
  • BATE Borisov 2-4 Arsenal – Player Ratings And Thoughts.
    Morning, folks. Last night we saw an extremely entertaining game of football. At times, our defensive stability was, shall we say… questionable, but we did control the game for the majority of the 90 minutes and despite spirited opponents we ran out worthy winners. That’s a decent 2 wins from ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-29By James 'Raul' Stokes
    4 weeks ago
  • BATE Borisov (A): Team News, Predicting The Line-Up And More Stuffy Stuff Stuff.
    Good morning, boys ‘n’ girls. It occurred to me before I started writing that today represents the first time in around 7-8 years of blogging (on and off) that I’ve had to post a match report on a Thursday for the Europa League. That statement in itself is almost depressing. ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-28By James 'Raul' Stokes
    4 weeks ago
  • The Utter Beauty Of Kolasinac
    Morning, folks. When you commit to producing content as regularly as humanly possible – I work a job that occasionally has crazy hours – there are moments when you have the time, the inclination but, alas, sorely lack a juicy subject. This is one of those occasions. There’s always a ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-27By James 'Raul' Stokes
    4 weeks ago
  • Lacazette, Monreal, Alexis, 3 Points and Player Ratings.
    Morning, folks. As far as standard wins go, last night was pretty standard. We dispatched West Brom in standard fashion with minimal fuss. Bar a few nervy moments in the first half in which Tony Pulls’ side certainly should have had a penalty, we looked very comfortable and ran out ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-26By James 'Raul' Stokes
    4 weeks ago
  • WBA, 3 Points, Wenger, Alexis, Ozil And A Plethora Of Chatterings.
    Greetings, Earthlings. I’m a little unsure what stirred the desire to write in my creative loins. The notion of doing so has fluttered around my conscious mind for quite sometime, but the actual inclination itself hadn’t shown up until today. Perhaps I’m just feeling nostalgic for a bygone era in ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-25By James 'Raul' Stokes
    4 weeks ago
  • What’s With Arsenal FC’s Series of Unfortunate Events?
    We have all seen how our favorite football club suffered at the hands of its most vicious rival, Liverpool FC. But it’s not just about their devastating 4-0 against Reds, but it’s more of a series of losses – two consecutive failures to be exact. In fact, it’s not just ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-11By Daniel Cowan
    1 month ago
  • Reiss Nelson can replace the Ox
    There is an argument that you can improve your squad by culling the weaker players which in turn “raises” the talent of your squad on average – although some would call that a logical fallacy. Arsene Wenger made it clear in his latest press conference that the club tried hard ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-09-08By Daniel Cowan
    2 months ago
  • The Emirates Cup, Goonersphere Podcast and Gravy
    This weekend will see Arsenal attempt to win the trophy that tops all preseason trophies: The Emirates Cup. For many the idea of Arsenal placing any importance on such a “competition” is farcical but for me is it entirely necessary. You see, it is Arsenal’s chance to welcome the supporters ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-07-27By Daniel Cowan
    3 months ago
  • Arsene Might Actually Leave…. Banners, Poor Performances And Civil War.
    Greetings, folks. The main reason for my recent blogging absence – should you care at all – is primarily because I’ve become a little tired of the farrago that is Arsenal’s online community. Perhaps it’s just a misplaced sense of nostalgia, but I recall days when everyone wasn’t so angry, ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-03-20By James 'Raul' Stokes
    7 months ago
  • What now for the Gunners’ season?
    Arsenal have slim chances of winning the Premier League trophy and seeing that they were hammered by Bayern Munich in the Champions League knockout stages, coach Arsene Wenger feels pressure ahead of upcoming challenges. The Gunners need to get back on course as soon as possible and it remains to ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-03-09By Daniel Cowan
    8 months ago
  • Money motivated Wenger turns down 275% salary increase…
    The longer any Arsenal related discussion continues on social media the likelihood that Wenger’s salary will be mentioned increases exponentially. It’s a sort of Arsenal version of Godwin’s Law – let’s call it Gazidis’ Law. GAZIDIS! Wenger’s £8m-per-year salary is often slammed down with smug satisfaction like a dossier of ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-03-03By Daniel Cowan
    8 months ago
  • Jardim’s Premiership Interest, Chasms And The New Home Kit For 2018…
    Howdy, folks. Ahead of us, there awaits a bleakness. A dark, murky chasm bereft of football. A chasm of emptiness. A chasm in which there is flicker of light and that light, seemingly an enterinty away, represents our next fixture away at Anfield to face Liverpool on March 4th. That’s ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-24By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Iwobi, Walcott, Perez, Banners, Wenger And A Tie With Lincoln City To Follow.
    Morning, folks. Underwhelming. That’s how I’d describe last night’s victory at Sutton United. I guess what was important beyond everything else was simply that we won. And win we did. But the whole thing was just a bit ‘meh’. You know, a bit sh*t, but at the same time almost ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-21By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Sutton United Vs Arsenal: Team News, Thoughts And Starting 11.
    Morning, boys ‘n’ girls. Growing up, one of my first resounding memories of football – other than Arsenal, of course – was all about Sutton United. I’m old enough to remember all the way back to 1989 and Sutton’s victory over Coventry City in the FA Cup third round. The ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-20By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Coquelin, Mustafi, Ozil, Sanchez And The Predictability Of Arsenal’s Defeat.
    Morning, folks. It’s Groundhog day… I think it’s fair to say that last night’s showing in the Champions League in Germany was a colossal shower of sh*t. After briefly flirting with a positive result when Alexis brought us level from the rebound of a saved penalty, things very quickly took ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-16By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Bayern Music Vs Arsenal: Team News, Predictions and Starting 11 – Ospina for Cech.
    Morning, folks. Right off the bat, there’s some pretty big teams news. David Ospina starts in goal ahead of Petr Cech and I’m not all together sure I agree with it. Sounds a bit stupid, doesn’t it? I don’t agree with a manager of 30 years experience when the biggest ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-15By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Early Bayern Thoughts And Halftime Food.
    Morning, folks. So what wonders await us in the world of Arsenal now that we’ve awoke from our respective slumbers? Well, not a huge amount. In fact, not any amount, other than the usual dross I won’t be giving any oxygen to on here. It’s moments like these in which ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-14By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Off-Form Mesut Ozil, Sharon Stone, New Podcast and Stuff.
    Afternoon, folks. Just the quickest of quick updates today. It’ll be Quicketty McQuick from the Land of the Quick. The Quick and the Dead – that was a pile of sh*te. Sharon Stone as a ruthless gunslinger? A ruthless, smouldering, sexy enchantress capable of seduction and homicidal mania in equal ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-13By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • Arsenal Vs Hull City: Team News And Starting XI
    Morning, y’all. Right, today’s preview is going to be the bare minimum as, to be quite frank with you all, I’ve many other things to attend to this morning before the game kicks off. These this range from feeding two bunnies hell-bent of reaping havoc across my home the second ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-11By James 'Raul' Stokes
    8 months ago
  • More Lucas Perez, Fan TV Frivolities, Arsene Hatred And Stuff.
    Morning, folks. This is the 5th time I’ve written an opening line. The previous 4 attempts were deleted to the soundtrack of derisory snorts and bellows of dissatisfaction. I’m having one of those day in which I’m unsure how to begin. Not entirely sure why. Sometimes it just happens; the ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-08By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Bring back Szczesny, Let Alexis Leave And Arsene Is Staying.
    Howdy, ya’ll. That cowboy-like greeting might lead you to believe my spirits have risen. They haven’t. I’m still morose, pondering the very meaning of life whilst trudging around looking for the sweet relief of answers in the stars. Nothing makes sense anymore. Well… it does; it’s bloody Arsenal and the ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-06By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Arsenal’s Title Challenge Ends With A Whimper. That Goal Was Definitely A Foul, Mind You…
    Morning, boys ‘n’ girls. How are you feeling today? Dejected? Forlorn? Thoroughly p*ssed off with just about everything to such an extent you drop-kicked a badger last night and set fire to your 1989 Anfield “I was in the away end” commemorative underpants? Yeah… Me too. I think the worst ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-05By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Chelsea Vs Arsenal: Starting Line-up And Team News.
    Morning, folks. I have an usual feeling today and it’s not dread. Ordinarily, I view trips to the Bridge of Stamford with considerable trepidation – imagine the kind of enthusiasm you’d have for smearing your genitals in jam and dry-humping a wasp nest and you’re on the same level. Our ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-02-04By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Deadline Day Mega Exclusive: Nothing Is Going To Happen.
    Afternoon/evening, folks. Upon reading through today’s earlier entry, I noticed a catastrophic blunder; through all my meandering, I criminally omitted anything pertaining to our beloved Deadline Day. No mention of how much TV-ordientated bulls*t it is. Not a word about Jim White and his poxy yellow tie. Nothing. Not a ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-31By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Watford Team News, Walcott, Welbeck, Sutton United And We Can Win The League.
    Morning, folks. Apologies for the absence. I could blather a little about the reasons for not being able to post, but they’re so predictably related to my other pursuits that I’m not sure I can be bothered. The two of you that pop by this site from time to time ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-31By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Southampton Vs Arsenal: Guesswork Starting XI And Team News
    Morning, folks. Today sees us enter into the majesty of the FA Cup. Nostalgia. Sunday afternoons in front of Match Of The Day as a child. Jumpers for goalposts. Not having to pay f*cking bills and mortgages on items you own, yet somehow invariably end up owning you. Ahhh, to ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-28By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Xhaka Busted By the Cops And Other Bits.
    Morning, folks. Granit Xhaka has been very naughty. I’m not talking the kind of naughty that’s usually associated with children stealing a Twix from the cupboard at home, or, like, a sexy spanking. Nope, he’s been the kind of naughty where the boys in blue get involved. I should make ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-25By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Alexis, Xhaka, Pushy Wenger, Late Goals, Penalties And A Good 3 Points
    Morning, folks. The weekend has been been kind to us. As far as the Premiership results go, that is. The weekend itself wasn’t altogether kind to those of us working long hours (cue violins) in a kitchen and having to miss practically all of the football. Mercifully, the internet is ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-23By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Jenkinson On The Way Out? Mertesacker To Extend? Round Up Of Stuff.
    Morning, peeps. I hope this fine, if somewhat dreary, Wednesday morning finds you well, nourished and in suitably high spirits. Here in sunny ol’ Gloucester it’s… Well… Not sunny. The weather here is that quintessentially British grey. You know, the overcast, slightly miserable grey that is… Let me just stop ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-18By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Iwobi, Giroud, Sulkypants Alexis And It’s Positive Going Forward.
    Morning, folks. This is something of a belated review. Yesterday proved troublesome as far as posting goes because my free time was taken elsewhere. However, in this particular instance, the allotted activities to my free time serves great purpose for you, the delicious reader. After a hideously long absence, myself ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-16By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Swansea Vs Arsenal: Team News, Predicted Starting 11 And More.
    Afternoon, folks. After what seems like an eternity of nothingness, an abyss of darkness and non-footballyness (not a word), we have a Arsenal fixture to get our proverbial teeth stuck into. And it’s another – as they all seem to be at present – which I’d consider both vital for ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-14By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Coquelin, Koscielny, Giroud, Alexis And Ozil: Contracts! Contracts?
    Morning, folks. In light of not being able to produce anything for your delectation yesterday, today, you gloriously fortunate individuals will be receiving two posts. I can only imagine the feeling of excitement and euphoria seeping through your veins. It’s like Christmas morning as a 7-year-old all over again. Or ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-14By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Mike Dean Is The Greatest Ref England Has Ever Seen And Roma To Sign Szczesny Permanently.
    Morning, you bunch of rascals and reprobates. Thursdays, I find, are the black hole of the footballing week. Unless we’ve been in Champions League action the night before, the morning generally comprises of nothing much that’s interesting and a bit of wild speculation to keeps things ticking along until the ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-12By James 'Raul' Stokes
    9 months ago
  • Cohen Bramall And The Fanfare Of Signing From Non League Football.
    Morning, folks. Apologies for the lack of anything resembling a blog post yesterday. Truth be told, I was the victim of an unsavoury incident involving one of those funny brownies found in Amsterdam, and it drained me of all my enthusiasm and inclination to do anything at all. As far ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-11By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Arsenal Bid For Belotti? Mesut Loves Arsene!
    Morning, boys ‘n’ girls of online Arsenal. Here in Amsterdam it’s a quiet morning. Having visited quite a few cities in my time, I can safely declare it’s the quietest. No roaring traffic, just the sound of a million f*cking cyclists. They’re everywhere. It’s not like the UK where bicycle ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-09By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Giroud, Ramsey, Lucas, Welbzzzzzz And Delicious Cup Progession
    Morning, folks. I have a bit of a headache this morning. Ordinarily I choose to avoid the dark temptation of a few tasty beverages. Here in Amsterdam, I was well and truly tempted so threw caution to the wind and enjoyed a few Black Russians (make up your own jokes). ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-08By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Preston North End Vs Arsenal: Team News And Predicted Starting 11
    Morning, folks. As you read this, I’m in the skies travelling from Bristol to Amsterdam for a nice weekend away in a beautiful city. I hate flying. I’m not talking an aversion, more of a full-blown phobia that puts me on edge hours before. So if you think I’m boasting ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-07By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • No Coq In The Arse, The Return of Ozil, “Gobsmacked” Bramall And Sanchez Happy At Arsenal
    Morning, and in the immortal words of @JokmanAFC: “Word to your respective guardians”. Before we delve deeply into today’s bumper bucket of news, let’s address the title… Yes – I am incredibly childish. Whilst I would dare any of you to claim it’s not factual – Francis Coquelin will be ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-06By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Unhappy Alexis, Inconsistent Ramsey And Some Arsenal Fans Are Idiots.
    Morning, folks. Most of yesterday’s news came in the form of the fallout of the 3-3 at the Vitality Stadium. Here’s the things folks… I say ‘news’ in that sentence, but what you see isn’t news. It’s speculation. Alexis Sanchez throws down his gloves because he’s frustrated and thousands of ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-05By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Giroud, Bellerin, Xhaka, Ramsey And Alexis In The Wonders Of Being An Arsenal Fan
    Morning, folks. As far as comebacks go, last night’s 3-3 draw at Bournemouth was a good one. As far as performances go prior to the final 20 minutes in which we miraculously saved something, it was unbelievably sh*t-awful. It’s tough to know exactly what to feel at the moment. One ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-04By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Bournemouth Vs Arsenal: Team News And Predicted Starting 11
    Morning’s greeting, folks. After the Christmas and New Year’s period, I have no idea what day of the week it is. Monday’s feel like Saturday’s, Sunday’s feel like Tuesday’s and the world has all of a sudden refused to make sense. Either that, or I’ve finally lost the use of ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-03By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Giroud, Bellerin, Elneny, Xhaka, 3 Points And One Hell Of A Scorpion Kick.
    Morning, 2017 friends. You might have noticed that yesterday’s preview did not materialise. Primarily, this was due to a preposterously busy NYE at work followed by an equally busy breakfast the day after. Add those two things to visits from friends and relatives to see the bunnies. By the time ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2017-01-02By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • The Best And Worst Of 2016
    Morning, folks. It’s the eve of another new year. As the clock strikes midnight later this evening and 2016 swiftly becomes a memory, we welcome in a 2017 filled with possibility, hope, change, great fortune and success for Arsenal. Well, that’s what we’ll be hoping for. The beauty of NYE ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2016-12-31By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Chamberlain And Gibbs Set To Leave In January And Samir Nasri’s Hooker Escapades.
    Morning, boys ‘n’ girls. As we hurtle unstoppably towards 2017, two things begin to come to the forefront of news and the media; the first is interminable lists of occurrences during 2016. These range from obligatory goal compilations to pretty much anything you can imagine. Headings like; The 10 most ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2016-12-30By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • Welbeck Back, Wenger Loan Moan And Other Stuff And Bits.
    Morning, everyone. It’s pretty much the waiting game at the moment. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for the next Arsenal game and waiting for something pertinent and intriguing to drop from the skies. I’m off back into work today, which isn’t fun either. Work and waiting – two less-than enjoyable things ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2016-12-29By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago
  • ‘Arsenal’ – A Film By Ridley Scott/James Cameron And The Importance Of Being Giroud
    Morning, Xenomorphs. The human mind is a funny old thing. I had a dream I can only assume was birthed by eating cheese and having watched the Alien Covenant trailer a few times. It’s pretty fresh in the head right now. Well, as fresh as it can be… I won’t ... read more
    Source: The Armchair GoonerPublished on 2016-12-28By James 'Raul' Stokes
    10 months ago